Ever since the horrific incident a few weeks ago when a man high on “bath salts” ate 75% of another man’s face, Cannibalism has seemed like a hot button topic. As with any sensationalized media story, it’s difficult to know if this stuff really happens in general and the media happened to pick up on it and report the stories as group, or if there is truly some horrific epidemic that is leading us towards the dreaded zombie apocalypse. Since I am a bit nervous about the zombie apocalypse in general, this alarms me greatly. I need a machete and a lot more canned goods.
After the Bath Salts guy, there was some guy in Maryland who killed his roommate and then ate the guy’s heart and brain. This is not to be outdone by the porn star in Canada who killed his former boyfriend, then ate him (and also mailed various body parts to places around Canada, including elementary schools).
All of these stories have that sort of train wreck quality to them, where you want to look away and not read anymore, but you just can’t help yourself. Yesterday, that is exactly what led me to discover that The Huffington Post has a dedicated section for stories about Cannibalism. I can’t make this stuff up.
This morning, as I was driving to work, I noticed something on the side of the road that I couldn’t quite make out. As I got closer, I realized it was two squirrels, one dead, and one leaning over the other’s lifeless body. My initial reaction was that it was the saddest thing I’ve seen in a while. Was the alive squirrel checking to see if the other one was still breathing? Administering squirrel CPR? Mourning the death of the other squirrel and crying tiny squirrel tears? And then a horrifying thought entered my head, no thanks to all of the cannibal stories I’ve been reading. What if the alive squirrel was eating the other squirrel’s face?! Does that type of thing occur in the squirrel kingdom?
I’m surprised I haven’t been having nightmares. One thing is for sure, and that is that I will never look at the world the same way again. If you need me between now and the apocalypse, I’ll be at home, sharpening my machete.