Back in the late ’90’s when the Yankees and Padres were swapping Jim Leyritz back and forth, he arrived in San Diego once and promptly informed Peter Gammons that the guys had taken to calling him “The King”. Gammons, in doing his due diligence, asked one of the Padres if this was true only to find that the only Padre calling Leyritz “The King” was Leyritz himself.
This is like my grandmother constantly insisting that my kid refer to her as Great-Grandma. C’mon, Helen, you were adequate Grandma at best.
The point being that you can’t give yourself a nickname. A nickname is supposed to be something just annoying enough to amuse the nicknamer while being not annoying enough for the nicknamed to make an issue of it. It’s supposed to be a “Boy Named Sue”-type scenario wherein a name that one isn’t crazy about helps build character. With the exception of Ali calling himself “The Greatest of All Time!” in the ’60’s nobody got away with giving themselves a nickname with a positive connotation…until recently.
Going forward, please bear in mind that there is no person in America that I hold in higher regard than “The Situation”. I think he should be on a stamp. That being said, however, I find it hard to believe that (as he claimed) someone else (anyone else) nick-named his abs “The Situation”. Would that there were some sort of judicial system tied to reality TV. Would that some dynamic prosecutor were given the opportunity to put “The Situation”‘s right hand on a stack of hair gel and ask him, “Who named your abs “The Situation”? Was it a girl? Other guys? Friends? I find this implausible, sir!”
Which brings us to why I was thinking about this: “Bombshell” Michelle. You know, the Nazi who was involved with Jesse James. Sorry, but for the life of me I have no idea what her last name is and I’m not going to search it because of all the things I don’t want left in my search history that lady in particular and nazi’s in general are pretty much neck and neck for the top of the list.
My knowledge of “Bombshell” Michelle is limited to what it says in the “Inside Track” (apparently she’s in some sort of twitter battle with Chelsea Handler and there are at least three phrases in this parenthetical that I’m not sure I can define) which is limited itself. I don’t know much but I do know this, were I given the opportunity to nickname her “Bombshell” wouldn’t have made the top five.
Scarlett Johansson is a bombshell. Pam Anderson (without being my cup of tea) was a bombshell. Michelle Whatever-her-name-is is not. She’s a skinny lady with big fake boobs and a bunch of ink. That may get you alot of things in this world but it doesn’t mean you can dilute an agreed upon term and give it to yourself as a nickname. I can’t just call myself “The Awesome!”, society has an agreed-upon idea of what that word means and I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m not it (to some people).
So, my point being that, going forward, no more giving ourselves nicknames.