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Archive for March, 2010

As a fairly consistent gym-goer, I have developed a list of things that other people do at the gym that bug me.  You may ask, “Don’t you have something better to do while working out than pay attention to what other people are doing and get annoyed?,” to which I would reply, “No, not really.”

* To the guy on the treadmill next to me texting and wearing a wool sweater: You’re not working hard enough.

* Stop hogging the machines!! When I’m using a machine, I do my 3 reps of 12 and move on. First, because I go in the morning before work and don’t have the time to dilly dally and stare off into space for twenty minutes between reps. Second, because it’s rude! Other people need the machines too!  Keep it moving, people.

* No grunting!! Some gyms even have a rule about this.  The other morning some guy grunted so loudly that it threw me off balance during my lunges and I almost tipped over.  Of course I blame him and not my own lack of balance/coordination.

* Stop being macho and pretending you can lift weights you really cannot handle.  The jig is up when you drop them on the ground because you can’t even muster the strength to place them back in their proper compartment.

* My lack of eye contact with anyone of the opposite sex (or same sex, for that matter) means that I am not there to make friends and I really, truly do not want to be hit on.  In the same vein, don’t stare at people.  It’s creepy.

* The cup holders on the treadmills and other cardio equipment are not intended as a repository for your dirty paper towels and/or tissues.  Gross!

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone just acted the way you wanted them to?  Certainly for me, that would be true at the gym.

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A few years ago my sister was working with this guy who (by her accounts) was always shooting his mouth off about his friends in Hollywood.  My sister and her co-workers, as the story was told to me, found him annoying and assumed he was making it all up but had no real way to prove it one way or the other.  Until my sister called him out on it by saying, “My brother wrote a screenplay, why don’t you give it to one of your connections?”   A few weeks past and my sister and her colleges assumed their vindication (I never worked in an office so really don’t fully grasp how these things work, but it all seems pretty petty to me).

However, into my sister’s schadenfreude bliss one morning plopped screenplay coverage on Paramount Pictures letterhead.  Now, this was either some elaborate effort by the co-worker to salvage his reputation as a self-styled man-about-Hollywood or he had actually passed it up the ladder through various connections to a reader at a major studio.  My sister holds it was the former.  I’m pretty sure it is the latter (or, “the ladder” depending on how closely you read that last sentence).

The coverage was pretty flattering (though whenever anyone says something nice about something you’ve written it is flattering).  It was “good” without being “great”.    While I was reading it, I was mentally quitting my job and leaving my wife for the bright lights of super-fame that is promised to any screenwriter.  There were criticisms, and they were valid (especially with the perspective of time for me) and there were some nuanced points that the reader missed (s/he kept referring to my “boy name Sioux” as a “kid named Sioux” illustrating a profound lack of understanding of Johnny Cash and word-play) but over-all it was all very affirmative.

Right up until the last line…

“Because the dialogue in this screenplay is so clever, and because we like Pub quite a bit (unlike many movie criminals) this has a chance at independent production.  But it doesn’t look like a big movie.  NOT RECOMMENDED”

So basically what that meant to me was that I’d written a single that could maybe be stretched into a double but would never, ever be a home-run.  That’s fine with me, there are very few “home-run” movies that I enjoy and I’d pretty much just written what I thought would be a movie I’d enjoy.  Paramount Pictures and I were at cross-purposes and stayed that way.  Until now.

Yesterday, imdb.com hit listed this story from indiewire.com about the fact that Paramount is now seeking micro-budgeted scripts (only in Hollywood and Washington would $100,000 be considered “micro-budget” but I digress).  I don’t know how it’s going to work.  Are they going to solicit agencies?  Take blind queries?  Or are they going to go back through the old files and re-read all the good scripts that weren’t “big” enough?

Either way, I’m going to quit my job and leave my wife, just to be ready.

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Facebook

I am not ashamed to admit that Facebook has been a large part of my life for the past few years.  I’ve reconnected with people I thought I would never hear from or see again, which has been pretty awesome. Of course for every one of those, there are at least 10 people who I vaguely remember from my past but for some reason now I am privy to the intimate details of their lives, and vice versa.

One of the many irritations of FB is the fact that they constantly change the format. It’s beyond annoying, especially since in the last update they screwed with the homepage to the point that it is now completely useless and not the least bit interesting. 

A good friend of mine from high school recently summed up what is wrong with FB better than I ever could (see below). I read his email this morning while I was hungover and waiting to have bloodwork taken at the lab amidst the rif raf.  Needless to say, it provided a much needed laugh.

FB has been sucking lately. People put shit like, “Sarah is having lunch with her dog.” Really? Do I give a shit? How about, “Sarah is starting to dream about the contractor because her husband is old and away all the time”. That would be cool! Or, “John is trying meth for the first time!” Or, better yet, “Jim is really, really tired of the same S&M routine with the same midget.” That’s some shit I would love to see because I really don’t give a shit about your lunch or your fucking dog, who looks like your ugly ass kid. ‘Cause, I’m sorry to say, your kid is ugly so please stop posting her pictures on FB. She sucks.

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Of Daniel Tosh

I feel the need to clarify a few things regarding Daniel Tosh since, for some strange reason, that very sub-par entry seems to be getting a lot of traffic lately (https://twynne105.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/i-dont-think-i-like-daniel-tosh/).

First is the admission of an error on my part in getting his show name wrong in the original entry (thanks Reader Troy!).  His Comedy Central show is actually called “Tosh.0”, not “Tosh 2.0” as I mistakenly wrote.  I still kinda maintain – who cares?  He’s a jerk!  But getting the name of the show wrong doesn’t really help my argument and takes away from my credibility, so I wanted to at least acknowledge that.

Second – and I’m sure everyone realizes this if they actually read the entry – I was not calling Daniel Tosh a racist.  People seem to be searching the keywords “Daniel Tosh Racist” to end up on this site.  The reason they end up here is because I took umbrage with the fact that he called my hometown the most racist place in the country.  I have no idea what his views are on race and just want to be clear that I would never say something slanderous like that without very good reason or some sort of citation.  It’s quite an accusation.

Sorry to be all serious and stuff when I normally try to keep this thing fun and light-hearted.  I just want you all to know that I have no intention of  bashing someone’s reputation – even if I do not find him funny.

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