|Hey Folks – here is another entry from my good friend MFH – hilarious!!Dear Former President Bush,
How is Crawford? We here at East Coast Meets West Coast were thinking of you and wondering how you were enjoying your retirement. What are you doing with yourself these days? We assume there is only so much brush that one can clear.
The reason I bring up your retirement is that we are wondering if you’d like to come work for us. It is a pretty well-known fact that you come from a family firmly rooted in baseball and that is something we have in common. I mean to look at it from a baseball stand-point the argument could be made that you were a great President. In baseball failing 7 out of every ten times is considered Hall of Fame material. Let’s say you had 2 good years (throwing out Katrina and Harriet Myers etc) that gives you a solid .250 average. Think about it, the Red Sox paid $75 million for JD Drew and he hits about .250. Throw in the occasional home run (the speech on the rubble) and all the time off and one wonders if you weren’t the JD Drew of Presidents.
So, we are prepared to offer you a job if you are looking for work. I’m new here myself but I feel I have this kind of authority. Your vociferous love for reading is well-documented
and accepted, no one has ever delved into your taste in film. We here at East Coast Meets West Coast would like to bring you on as our film critic.
Before you answer, allow me to clarify what we are looking for. We want you to review movies that featured actors playing you (or variations on you).
lists 89 examples
of characters named “George Bush
” (though some of them date back to The Golden Girls
and Murphy Brown
which one can assume were your Poppy). And that’s 89 examples where the character is a parody of you rather than satire, like in “Silver City
” Chris Cooper
played a thinly-veiled facsimile of you named Dickie Pilager.
What we’re asking of you is pretty free-form and really dictated by your whim. Say you want to sit down and watch Oliver Stone‘s “W”, just keep a few notes and shoot us a blog post afterwards letting us know how you felt watching it.
We’ll keep a rating system (say, 5 cowboy hats being great, 1 cowboy hat being Jimmy Carter) and translate your work into blog-able prose.
You can do them in clusters or you can watch them iindividually Once a week, or spread them out so the impression truly marinates with you. The American people are owed this much we think. How does a former President feel about his portrayal in popular culture?
Did Dennis Quaid have it right in “American Dreamz” or was it the guy who sent Harold and Kumar to Guantanamo Bay? That fat guy in all the commercials during the baseball play-offs impersonated you a lot, was that offensive (you’re not fat)? Were you best portrayed in cartoon form on “South Park” or on “Family Guy“? Or on Broadway by Will Ferrell (talking about guys who haven’t been relevant since 2001)? Or in “jokes” (my quotes) stolen from other sources when you were “lampooned” (my quotes) on “comedian” (my quotes) Carlos Mencia’s show? You are listed as a character in “Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj“, who knew such a film existed? Who knew you were represented?
You were played by numerous actors of varying talent. A guy named James Adomain seems to have made a career playing you. Have you ever met? Would you like to? The name Jim Nieb turns up alot too and one wonders how much of playing you was just a wig and a squint, but they did it, I did not.
Well, sir, just some grist for the mill. Far be it from us to not let you practice your, er, love. If this was something that would interest you, please get back to us ASAP (as soon as possible) so we can get started on this. You commissioned your father and former President Clinton to be ambassadors for America throughout the world, and so we are now asking you to write blurbs about bad movies. Each according to his ability, sir.
And anyways, it’s gotta be better than working on your memoirs.
East Coast Meets West Coast
PS We at East Coast Meets West Coast are fully aware that the new Elements of Style dictates that President no longer be capitalized in reference to the chief executive of these United States however have too much respect for the office itself not to do so.