If you read tabloids or even watch the news, you will see much mention of the Hollywood Hills. It is an enclave of celebrity housing and thought to be very exclusive and glamorous. Well, I am here to tell you, the Hollywood Hills suck.
I was duped by the supposed glamour of the Hills when I first moved here and actually lived in Laurel Canyon for 6 months. It was more inconvenient and stressful than I ever could have imagined. I couldn’t take a left out of my driveway because the road was too windy and people go 50 mph around the bends. So, in order to head down to Hollywood from my apartment, I would have to head in the opposite direction, take a right up another tight and windy road and coast down through the Mt. Olympus estate, which is essentially a 70% grade hill. I blew through my brake pads in no time. Also, it was impossible to have guests come and visit because there is nowhere to park. Since there are virtually no sidewalks, walking also is an not an option unless you have a death wish.
Luckily, now, I do not have much reason to stop in the Hills, but since I live in the San Fernando Valley, if I want to to Hollywood or the West Side, traveling over one of the Canyon roads is a necessity. As I was doing this on Friday, I was thinking about how much I hate these roads and that the people who live in the Hills have to be partly crazy. Especially those weirdos whose houses are half grounded and half on stilts. This, in a region known for earthquakes and mudslides.
I also saw a guy on a small side street, waiting to take a left onto the main road. With the steady stream of traffic in both directions — in addition to the fact that it’s so windy, it’s pretty hard to see what’s coming — I wonder if, two days later, he isn’t still waiting.
Another big gripe I have with the Hills is the lack of user-friendliness. One thing I do like about Los Angeles is the grid system. Most roads are logically laid out North-South/East-West. It makes perfect sense. The Hills make no sense whatsoever. If you take a wrong turn or are lost, you really do have to pull a three-point turn (or a ten-point, really, because the roads are so narrow) and go back the way you came; assuming you can go the equivalent of “around the block” to get back where you came from is something I’ve fallen for more than once, and it has never, ever worked to my advantage. I’m lucky I’m not still driving around up there right now.
For all of this, I say, f** the Hollywood Hills.